Friday, December 14, 2007

.....Wrote on my birthday

My conscience nags,
My voice still lags.
Eleven months, twenty nine days [ed]
,but in my mind it still replays
I find it harder to express the feelings,
That still result from my many dealings.
So, on my face I paint a smile,
Knowing a mask will suffice for a while.
But can you hide behind a mask forever,
With so many emotions left to weather
Allowing my mind very little action,
Offers me some sort of painful satisfaction.
So again I sit alone and think,
Tears building up with every blink,
Is this really all that life has to give,
If so, what's the purpose in striving to live?
Sitting here I can think of nothing to say
I live my life in complete dismay
Why can I think of nothing to write
The I trying to hide or incite?
Seconds turn to minutes, minutes to a year
And still, I remain paralyzed by fear
Is it better to feel absolutely nothing at all
Or something that beats on you like a Maul?
I wish I could speak of what really matters
Like my mind, which my mistake continues to shatter
Is it stupid of me to write about this nonsense,
Am I stupid for letting it become this intense?
I'm trying so hard to make these words legible
but with this blame will I ever be elgible?
to express these emotions filling my brain
These feelings that drive me completely insane.
Who's to say that this is so damn simple
How do you know lies don't fill my dimples?
That's the problem, people just assume,
Their stuck inside their secluded little rooms
They talk about things they know nothing about
Things that are complicated without a doubt.
If I could explain half of the things I feel
Maybe this wouldnt be such a big deal
If someone read this, what would they say
Would they think it's just me having a bad day?
Does it even really matter what they think?

1 comment:

Lila Elswick said...

This is an amazing and powerful poem, how did you spend your birthday and what did you do to take care of yourself? I am sorry that you were unable to come in today. I am going to call to check-in with you. Please take Care!