;-(

so lastweekend i did something stupid again. I thoughtI could go out wiht Mark and actually handle it. yeah right. after we went to themovie he wanted to go back tohis house and even though I knew it wasnt agood idea he begged and I gave in. I know I wasasking for it. Iknew he was going totry something. whwy wouldnt he. He isaguy. when we got there he kissed me a couple of time, and even though Iwas so uncomfortable I thought I could just deal with it cause it was only kissing and I thought I owed it to him, but then he started trying to do other shti and when he got on top of me on the couch I...i was so scared. the only thing I could think about was making him get off of me. I was so scared he was going to....he wouldnt stop at first until i practically begged him. I felt like I was back in that fucking bed and hewas on top of me and I was begging him to get off. when he finally got off of me he just stood upand told em he was done trying. I was so pissed off at myself...for thinkiong I could handle it, for not being able to. Fro not being able to give him what he deserves. for everything. I don't want to talk about it anymore.