so...

I went back there this last weekend...I thought I could handle it...I guess I was wrong. I just felt like I was always looking over my shoulder...I was so so so scared I was going to see him I didnt want to see him. I tried to think about other things, but I couldnt. there were just so many reminders it was all I could think about. everything reminded me of it in some way- seeing the place we were at, seeing other people who were at the party. it just all hit me at once I couldnt stay. the closer it got to dark and the more they were all talking about going to parties the more scared I got. I juts couldnt handle it. I'm not ready, i'm not ready to face that yet...it was just too....real. I had to leave. The whole way home I had so many things going through my mind. I was scared and sad and pissed off but at the same time, relieved just to be getting away from there. all I could do was cry, it felt good to cry. it really did. I really wish I would have had someone to talk to then i'm tired of going through this alone. its my fault though...people try to help me but I can't let them.