I realized...

Although going to see Lila is upsetting sometimes, I really...I really feel better when I leave there. You know I really don't knwo why other than I keep things inside of me that I just can't talk to anyone about..but then theres Lila...and like I havn't even known her that long and..I have told her more than I have ever told anyone. She is probably the only person who knows how I feel about anything in my life at all....she is the only one who has ever cared. It scares me to death to talk to her, but when I do I just feel like it is one less thing I have to worry about, One less thing I have to keep inside. She is one of the first people I really feel like I can trust. I don't feel like she is judging everything I say, and when I am talkign to her I don't have to worry about her getting mad at me for how I feel like most people do. No one knows about my mom and thigns that happened to me when I was a kid--no one except for her. I guess its because she is the only person that has ever really made me feel like I was worth anything at all, she is the only person who has ever really asked me how I feel about something, and actually listened to what I said. Ms. D. asked me the other day if I was glad I was meeting Lila, and I realized...I really am. I have learned so much about myself by going there. I have gotten so much out that has been haunting me since I was little. Not only has she helped me cope with my assult, but with Everything else that I have been pushing into the back of my mind for the last 4 years. I could not have gone to a better counselor. I have gotten more out of my sessions with her than even she could know. alot of times I'm sure it seems like I'm not understanding or listening to what she's saying but I am ways am, and even though I have a hard time acceptign some of the things she says, I always keep what she tells me in the back of my mind. I really wish I would have went to the group meetings, I think it would have been beneficial, but theres always next time.