stressed out

I am really stressed out about homecoming. I want to go, but then again I don't. If I go I have to go with Jhonathan. I cannot go alone, and I don't think I am ready for all that. I thought sicnce Mark was going to be allowed to go things were going to be easier, you know because I am more comfortabel with him and all, but I don't know now. I am scared he si going to try to take it too far more than a friend thing. Of course I love Mark but I am not ready to be physical with anymore. Not hugging not kissing not anything, and I can just see mark trying something. I don't know I am thinking I should come up with some kidn of excuse as to why I cannot go...i don't know though. I don't want to regret not going. Maybe Mark will not try to take things too far, maybe he really will jsut act like were friends, I just know how homecoming is. the dancing the parties. I'm just not ready to handle all of that right now. UUUUUUUhhhhhhhhhh I don't know just another thing to worry about. Mama is being a b*tch as usual. I can't do anyuthing right. she is mad at me because I bought a homecoming dress. she said I should have never spent that money when I had "other things to pay for". what ever I dont care anymore. I am so sick of all of her bull shit I dont even knwo what to do. I wish she would just stop pretending like shes super mom and trying so hard to "give us a good life" when she does not do shit. she doesnt do ANYTHIGN SHE DOESNT EVEN HAVE A JOB!!! she supposedly got this job, but when the hell is she going to start/?? probably never she probably lied about it all. I just can not wait until I am 18 and old enought o move the hell out of there. i just want to get away. sfjcjsdklcfjijefiojoijerfiojijdslk;aklJ:irjvghjiopkfjoeqriwjfiojowiejfoiwjerfiojwefiojweoigj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1